Tell Your Trainer to Take Her Fad Diet and Shove It (nicely of course)

From time to time I will use a trainer.  It seems indulgent, but I enjoy the challenge; it encourages me to mix up my routine; and will rescue me if I have been a total slug.  For example, the holiday indulgences that seem to have been going on forever....we all splurge; it's a part of enjoying life, but it's time to get back on track.

But I digress, my trainer and I had words.  She sent out instructions to start juicing to get into the swing of getting back into shape.  She told me I needed to detox.  That it was going to make me lose weight quick and fast.  I told her to take her juicing philosophy and keep it to herself.  I don't believe in juicing as a diet.  First off, if I am going to drink my calories, it's going to be a glass of wine.  I don't drink soda, sweetened beverages, fancy coffee mixes, etc. for this very reason. I like to eat my calories.  Most drinks and juices are unnecessary sugars added to your diet that you don't need unless you are having a once in awhile indulgence.  Second, I like to EAT my calories (did I mention this before).  I must be part cow.  I need to masticate to be satisfied.  Juicing doesn't do it for me.  And if I am not satisfied by my meal, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will cheat.  My body needs food, and it needs real food; yours does too.  Take all those fruits and veggies you stuffed in that juicer and chow your way through a salad.  I guarantee you will feel FULL.



There is a whole philosophy behind juicing.  If that's your thing, knock yourself out.  It isn't like it is unhealthy per se, but if I am going to turn a bunch of fruits and veggies into a drink (I'd rather eat them anyway....did I mention I like to EAT?), I will turn them into a smoothie.  I think juicing is inherently wasteful of the food God gave us--there is SOOOO much waste of food to get a tiny old glass of juice. Plus, you get rid of all the good fiber when you juice that makes you feel full and helps with regulation (you know, going to the bathroom.....).  The fiber God put into fruits and vegetables is REALLY important.

The other issue with this whole approach to juicing to "detox" and create a lifelong diet for yourself, is that it doesn't work for most people. Most people like me, like food.  They want to eat.  Juicing isn't going to be a magic bullet to your food issues.  You may lose weight juicing in a short fix diet, but it will do nothing to help you maintain a long term weight loss and establish a healthy diet that you can live with.  Juicing sets up this mind set that you need to eat a certain way, focus on an elimination diet of things you can't have, and then when you have done all that, then you'll be skinny. 

Well that's the complete wrong approach and it makes me mad that trainers set up clients for this failure.  You know how to lose weight?  Quit trying to be skinny. Quit thinking there is a one size fits all to your body.  God created you wonderfully, fearfully, awesomely made as you are. You need to love yourself.  Not everyone is going to be stick thin.  You want to lose weight?  Fix your issues with food.  Then, eat real food that God gave you, in moderation, WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY (God save me from another trainer that tells me I need to eat every two hours.  I'm not HUNGRY every two hours).  If you are hungry every two hours, that might be a different story, but any which way you look at dieting there are two facts:  No two people are made the same way, and no one diet is going to fit every single person.  THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET TO WEIGHT LOSS.  It takes discipline, eating a variety of healthy foods, moderation, listening to your body, eating real foods, exercising, and getting back on track when you slip off the wagon, and learning to love yourself at whatever size God has made you.  I could be a heck of a lot skinnier than I am, but I'd also be a heck of a lot unhappier.  I'm healthy as I am, I'm tough, I'm a fighter, and I am REALLY, really happy that God made me as I am (broken bits and all).

It's one thing if you don't know HOW to eat healthy, but I actually do, and I really resent this bill of goods that the fitness industry tries to sell us every January that there are magic bullets to get us fit and healthy and well.  It isn't true.  LIFELONG FITNESS TAKES establishing a routine of HABITS that you repeat OVER and OVER and OVER until they are a part of your life.  Juicing for ten days isn't going to establish a habit. It takes MONTHS to establish a habit.  MONTHS.  And it is sooooooo worth it.  Kick, the crap out of your kitchen--the processed foods, the excessive sugar.  Focus on food from God's good earth.  Make these nutrients a habit.

Forming good habits is hard work.  Try brushing your teeth with the other hand for a week.  Does it become natural?  No.  It could take up to six months to make that habit switch in your brain.  Try eating with your non-dominant hand, or writing with your other one.  You've formed a habit with these behaviors and it takes a lot of focus and determination to change those habits.  Our habits are rooted in what we've been taught, how we were raised, what we were instructed about food, what we were given as a diet growing up, how we sleep, how we exercise, how we've used food and negative thoughts to cope, or how we have developed addictions.  Until you address the root of your issues, and learn that YOU HAVE VALUE, then a lot of your behaviors are not going to change.  This is why so many new year's resolution's fail, because the individual hasn't addressed the issue at the heart of what they want to change.

If you cannot change your habit for yourself, consider changing it for your health, your family, and for God.  Dedicate your new year to loving yourself as the temple of Christ in this world around you.  Dedicate your body to mind, body and spiritual wellness. For forty days, thinking about changing the way you think about yourself, your exercise, your body and your food.  Maybe then change will begin to happen.  You are worth it.  You have a purpose here and being healthy is a part of that journey.

But for the love of God, don't think that juicing for ten days is going to do that for you.


****Some people really love fresh juice.  Good for them.  There is a ton of healthy vitamins and minerals in a good juice.  It's just not my thing.  And yes, I've done that.  I had a juicer and I swapped it with my pal Sara for a couch.  That's kind of the relationship I had with my juicer.  :)  If it is your thing, own it, but own it for the right reasons.

Love y'all--love all of y'all and how you are made.
~Anna

Day 365: A Year with Cancer

A year ago today, I got that call from the surgeon that the biopsy of my lymph-node was positive for follicular lymphoma.  The picture of that moment is seared on my brain.  I remember my husband sitting at the bar that overlooked our kitchen as he was working.  My children were chattering away upstairs--I remember hearing them.  I sat down on the foot of our staircase, and laughed at the surgeon, "You are joking right? I don't have cancer."  We hung up the phone.  Our farm box of veggies had just been delivered.  I remember stabbing the box with the kitchen shears trying to open it to put away the vegetables.  And I remember putting my head on that box and sobbing.  My son came in the kitchen just at that moment.  He bust into tears to see me crying.  I held him really tight I remember.  I couldn't imagine how to have this conversation with my family.  I couldn't bear to break the news to my mom.  Shock doesn't begin to cover what you feel. I am neither surprised, nor anything really that the gamut of my emotions followed the pattern of grief that is well identified by experts.  I find no comfort that how I have progressed through this experience meets the norms.  You never feel normal when you've been diagnosed with cancer.  And while many talk of "finding the new norm," I am not sure there will ever be a new norm.  Just like I am never sure that even if people go into remission, they "get rid" of having cancer.  You see, I have come to believe that whether I live for 40 years with this lymphoma, or at some point in the future I go into remission, I think that I have been undeniably changed by this experience.  In my minds' eye, I will always have cancer.  It is making me into who I am today.  I never expected it on my journey, but what do you know, it's making me.

I have not blogged over the last six months very much.  There have been a variety of reasons for this lapse.  One, I've been writing.  There will be two more books out by me in the new year, "Christ Walk Kids" and "Sally and the Constellations."  So there are successes to this story.

But I've also been silent because I have found that somewhere along the 6-11 month part of this journey, I looked into a mirror and saw a fractured image of myself.  I was there, but parts of me were broken.  To say I moved on from anger and frustration would be to lie to you.  I STILL get annoyed when I allow myself to think of my cancer.  Who has time for cancer?  It irritates me on the days it rears its head and says "slow down."  And being unable to do anything about the cancer, is a bit of a kick in the gut.   I don't always watch and wait well. God always seems to be trying to teach me the art of patience. I often fail miserably and I don't know that I will ever get over that.  Waiting is a part of that whole "new norm" thing that causes me to roll my eyes.  Waiting doesn't fit into the world view of the action hero I want to be when I grow up. The new norm forces you to think about your perceptions of yourself.

This new norm really forced me the last several months to stop and focus.  I really had to work with my doc on a means of living with cancer and still functioning, because it was tenuous at times.  Those broken bits of me kept trying to fall out.  And I found myself needing to apply glue to me.  And in a very private way, I needed to do it without blogging.

Glue comes in many shapes, forms, and substances.  It came in the form of prayer over the last year.  My own and others.  We pray as a family every night that God continues to take care of mommy's cancer--and thus far, God continues to show me grace in many ways.  Glue comes in the form of friends.  Those who were willing to listen.  Those who were willing to receive random texts about fear and anxiety.  Those who were a distraction.  Those who treated me like "Anna" so I could figure out how to treat myself like "Anna" again as well.  Glue comes from professionals who were patient enough to answer repeated questions of the same thing, that were a calm when new symptoms cropped up, and were unfailingly reassuring that watching was still the right thing to do.  Glue comes in the form of the mundane.  The pleasure of walking.  The pleasure of doing things with the kids.  The pleasure of writing.  The pleasure of still having value in the world although I am a broken, semi-repaired, cancer carrying, child of God.

You see a year ago when I was receiving this diagnosis, my book "Christ Walk" was being published.  I could not imagine that the book would do well.  Who wants to learn about living a fit, healthy, and spiritually fulfilled life from a cancer patient?  I was so afraid that this diagnosis was the end of my passion for health in the church.  I thought God had made a mockery of what I perceived was my calling in life.

But you know, God works in funny ways.  My book has gone on to do very well at Church Publishing, Inc.  They tell me I am one of their best sellers.  They've graciously decided to pick up my second book, "Christ Walk Kids."  And people want to hear my story of faith, fitness, and health.  You see, people desperately want to know they have value in the world, that they are needed and they are just as important when they have illness and disease.  Illness, cancer, disease--these labels are devaluing to what we think of ourselves.  We need to stop this.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US IS BROKEN, DISEASED, OR DAMAGED and we ALL have value in God's creation.  I can still be healthy: mind, body, and spirit; even with disease.  I really believe this.  My cancer is a part of me and my journey and will continue to be for a long time.

So this is where I am now a year later.  I am in a good place.  I exercise daily, but not always running and training for distance.  I pick things that feel good and bring me joy in movement. Each day, I search for the lovely in my life.   I am awed by God's grace.  When I feel anxious, or fearful of the future, I stuff glue in those pieces of me that want to fall out and pass the glue bottle to God to hold it all together. There is much I will never understand.  There is much I have little patience for, and when those failings come to get me, I remind myself that I do trust God more than I trust in my limited understanding and funnily, peace follows.

In two weeks, I go for my annual CT scans.  They will pump me full of radio-graphic material to see if anything lights up in my body as a new, or growing tumor.  They keep telling me that I'll know when things start to go south.  Huh.  I still look at them a little crazy when they tell me this.  It is so anathema to current medical practice not to treat when early detected.  Consequently, if you are the praying type (and if you are not, I ask that you consider it--it makes a huge difference!), I'll take your prayers.  I'm not sure to ask what to pray for?  Spontaneous remission (always good); continued status quo (also acceptable); patience with the "new norm" (okay); lots of glue bottles if things go south (eh, it could happen)?  I believe in prayer.  I'll take whatever you are willing to offer.

So, keep walking with me, I am still on this journey and we will continue to find faith, fitness, and health together.  I've decided to hold the hand of my cancer and bring it along with us.  It's teaching me a thing or two.  It might not have been the lessons I was seeking, but it's always teaching me.  I hope you are learning something too.

With love, and prayers for another 365 day report.....Anna

Clergy Do Christ Walk

I cannot believe a week has come and gone and I have not told you about my amazing two days with the clergy of the West District of the Texas Conference of the United Methodist Church.  I have new peeps in Texas now, and I am loving those peeps.

We talked exercise, burdens, addictions, habits, change, society, the Bible, solutions, and creating a healthy church.  We talked FOOD.  We talked wine.  We talked fellowship and we talked how Christ is weaved into everything in our lives.  This group of men and women came together in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  Many different fitness levels and many, like me, who have illness that challenge their concept of health in light of a disease-ridden body.  Much like any group that comes together, we were all different and all beautiful creatures of God.  We learned how to expand our vision of Christ Walk and make it applicable to our everyday life as well as our churches.  Most importantly, we came together to build the consensus that mind, body, AND spiritual health are necessary for healthy Christian individuals.  The work of the clergy does not stop only at the soul.  These wonderful men and women saw themselves as mentors of physical and mental health and saw how they also had to take care of their own mind, body and spiritual health to be effective role models.

Day one started out with an introduction to Christ Walk.  We discussed change and health and how hard those concepts can be to apply in our busy lives.  We discussed addictions and negative health habits and how easy they are to fall back on when life gets tough.  We discussed the irony that when we need God most in our lives, we tend to turn to physical/human things (food, sugar, alcohol, drugs, stress, anger, etc) to cope, rather than turning to God.  We saw that each step we take physically should be a prayer of thanks and of building this temple of the human body towards God's service.

Later on that evening, we moved on to a theological reflection on the World Health Organizations (1979) definition of health:  "Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."  We all, 100% agreed that this definition was out of date, and lacks the spiritual importance of health.  One can be healthy, if not cured; and one can be cured, but not healthy because of the spiritual damage done by disease.  We discussed what society thinks about health.  And then we discussed what the Bible says about health.  There is a clear divide between what secular society sees as a healthy individual and what the Bible states we need to do to be healthy.  There is a lack of emphasis in the world around us about building strong bodies to do the work of God for others.  Our bodies are not our own.  Our bodies are here to do God's will.  We do not treat our bodies as though we were temples of the Holy Spirit.

The next day, we talked FOOD.  WE ALL LOVE FOOD.  But we all agree that we need to eat more of God's food and less food that's from an industrial plant.  As I love to say, God did not hang meal replacement bars from the trees in the Garden of Eden.  He gave us real food.  We need to enjoy that food and use it to NOURISH our bodies to do the work we are called to do, not FEED our emotions.  We discussed what a meal with Jesus would look like and what we would serve.  I am hungry as I write this.  A meal with Jesus would just be divine (pun intended).


Finally, I challenged the groups to write a prayer for a healthy church and goals to implement when they go back home.  I am going to share with you some of what they came up with in their small groups:

Group 1: 

A prayer for unity of a land and a people. 
Our hearts are heavy with the news not just from Baltimore, but also Ferguson, Watts, and other places.
God we are never separated from you, but we confess there are times we think we are; hear our prayer. 
God, there are times we think we are separated from each other, but we are connected-each to the other and we confess our intentionally created walls. 
God, we confess that too often we see these issues as "us verses them" when it's really "us verses us." 

God, heal our land and our destructive tendencies. 
Give us the courage to let you into our hearts. You who are the great healer, heal our land. 

Group 2: 

 O Lord, our God,

We are fragile,

Held us to be strong

We are frail, help us to lean on you.

We ask you to put us under the waterfall of your grace

And draw us ever closer to you in our suffering.

We seek health over healing as our 1st priority

Help us to feel our worth by becoming strong in mind, body, and spirit.

After all, we are broken and you are the potter.

Make us and mold us and put us back together through your healing power and love.

In Jesus' Name. Amen 

Group 3:

Gracious, loving and all powerful God.  Giver of life and freedom. 

We lean upon your everlasting arms to heal our bodies, spirits, emotions, and our land and world.

Continue to affirm in us that we are wonderfully made and your creation.

Born originals enhanced in your light, enabling us to be the witnesses you have called us to be.

Amen

Group 4: 

Father, God, I thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. 

How awesome it is to be connected with the Savior and Holy Spirit.

It is our prayer that in Jesus name, your blessing will flow freely and richly in our lives 

as we come together in worshiping and serving you as clergy and teachers.

Thank you God for each of us that has a unique gift 

You have allowed them to be woven into who we are: our passions and our talents.

God, you have put it all together for a purpose and you have a very special plan for each to use.

Thank you God that you have put each of us in situations where we have to use these unique gifts.

I pray Father you will strengthen us with your power

 through your Spirit in our inner being so that Christ may dwell in our heart 

through our faith we rooted and established in love 

and to know your love that surpasses knowledge

 that fills us to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Amen. 

Group 5:

 God of grace and glory, we take delight today, in your presence.

We stand in silence before you because you know everything about us: broken mind and soul. 

 Please touch us.

Touch our soul, bodies and mind and heal us so we might serve you to our greatest ability. 

Keep us focused on the task that you would have us complete.

Gracious God heal us, collectively. 

Give us the courage to admit and confess the ways in which we have hurt and offended each other, 

and give us the humility to forgive. 

Make us one with each other and one in Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

Group 6:

Oh God of Wholeness, we lift up our pastors in the spirit of wholeness,

 Where the body is broken, bring healing.

Where the mind is stressed, bring healing.

Where the spirit is wounded, bring healing.

And Where relationships are strained and severed, bring healing.

In the name of the Great physician.  Amen!

Group 7:

Lord, I lift my eyes unto the hills, from whence shall my help come?

In our brokeness, we cry out to you.

We confess we have not taken care of the body that you have entrusted to us.

We have given into our desires, in our moments of pain and weakness. 

Strengthen us, by the power of your spirit, to be good stewards of the body you have given us,

 the mind you have entrusted to us, and the spirit you have placed within us.

We are confident in your faithfulness.

My help is in the name of the Lord.  In You we are made whole.

Amen

Throughout both days we prayed, we laughed, we shared, we grieved, we cried, but we were healed. 

Through these two days, we Christ Walked together.  It was good.

I cannot wait for the next time.

--Anna